


No Denial

by Malind



Category: Slow Burn Series - Bobby Adair
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-24
Updated: 2017-01-24
Packaged: 2018-09-19 18:04:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9453467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Malind/pseuds/Malind
Summary: Her words ingrained in his mind, Zed tries to sort out his relationship with Murphy in his mind. Takes place after the end of book 7.





	

~It's clear to everybody that he loves you.~

I couldn't get her words out of my mind that night or the next day, nor the next.  Even while hacking up Whites before searching through long abandoned convenience stores for cans and packages of unspoiled food.  Especially not with the other man so close by and talking to the other slow burns and immunes. 

One of the women laughed and I stared at her full toothed smile, unable to help my frown and the tightness in my chest.  I wasn't jealous of her smile and ease so much, nor their implied happiness despite the current fucked up state of the world.   I just wished I could be like her, that I could deserve the warmth Murphy gave back to her, instead of just fucking everything up every time. 

Was Murphy really with me because he loved me?

How had I ever earned the large man's loyalty and humor?  His companionship?  Well, I generally knew how, but with so many other options out there...   

No, I couldn't be what she was, act like her.  I couldn't be what any of them were, people who had hope.

And I couldn't just let go, giggle like a teenager, because I already had let everything go.  Everything, including my humanity. 

And yet, despite going through the same shit I had, Murphy still kept smiling.  Still loved me.  Did anything in the world make any sense?

I shook my head and looked away to the can in my hand as I pushed the torn label to see what hidden treasures it contained.  I couldn't even see it with my mind going haywire.

And what if I loved him?  Far more than what the woman had implied about Murphy's attachment.

What if...

I stuffed the can into my Hello Kitty bag, still not knowing exactly what it contained despite my half-assed attempts to read the label I'd stared at for too long.  I rummaged around a bit more before I heard glass break behind me.  Unalarmed, knowing we'd already cleaned the place out, I turned my head to watch the approach.  The person was the last one I wanted by my side at the moment.

Murphy crouched down with me and gave my shoulder a light slap.  "They want to call it quits and see how far we can make it before dawn.  A few more hours, he said."

I tried to ignore the tingling the touch had created and smiled at him.  "We're going to get our asses killed there."

The man smirked.  "At least it'll be for a good reason."

"You keep saying that."

"And you know I'm right."

I blew out a huff and stood, stretching through the tightness of crouching down too long.  I was fully aware that Murphy watched the movements, which made my efforts worthless because my muscles just tensed right back up.

"When we get there, we'll scope it out," Murphy said, "You may be my good luck charm, but no sense in tempting fate, at least until we know what's going down." When I couldn't help but just stare, he added, "Well, are we adrenaline junkies or not?"

Yeah, I had adrenaline rushing through me right at that moment actually, trying to beat my brain into a stupid course of action, but that reason was probably not the reason Murphy thought.  And weren't they already tempting fate?  Tempting many things.

I nodded, shouldered my bag, and walked to the entrance, making minimal effort to avoid noisy wrappers and glass. 

The larger man followed behind.  "I'm sure we'll see some action.  Then you can bask us in that stupid-ass grin of yours."

Action?  Yeah, I wanted action.  Action Murphy would probably beat the shit out of me for even attempting.  I didn't turn to acknowledge him, but I couldn't help the grin he was talking about.  I mentally slapped it off of my face before anyone could see it.

As if I didn't have enough to worry about.  Now I had to add hormones back onto the list.

If she just hadn't said those words...

I could have gone on denying them.  I could have ignored them.  I could have gone on being the asshole that I was, and probably still would be.  But now...

Now, after dwelling on the words for days, I had to acknowledge, at least to myself, that I loved the best friend I'd ever had.  So much.  And if he was ever taken from me, whether or not it was my own fault, the world would pay for it.

That's love, isn't it?


End file.
